Take a deep breath – or maybe not?

“Take a deep breath.” Advice that, in stressful moments, often backfires: you start gasping. I tested it for you, so you don’t have to. My conclusion: better keep quiet.

With children, tempers sometimes rise: they get loud, are warned, and still don’t listen. Breaking this cycle would actually benefit from deep breathing – on both sides. And yet, paradoxically, it is one of the worst suggestions in that very moment.

Think back to the financial crisis: Lehman Brothers had just collapsed, markets were in freefall. A client calls, audibly short of breath. Do you think she wanted to hear, “Take a deep breath”?

Feelings first, reason later

Even the best advice is wasted if given at the wrong time. At the height of tension – when fear or anger dominate – the feeling must first be acknowledged: “You’re angry.” Or, in the client’s case: “You’re deeply worried about your wealth.”

That shows we grasp the seriousness of the situation. Only once we look in the same direction and nod with understanding does the moment arrive to take a deep breath together and then talk about rational next steps.

Theory and practice

Over the decades, I have lived through several financial crises and, I believe, become a steady companion in turbulent times. They often last for months, require stamina, and demand a very particular kind of communication.

The sudden chaos of children, however, is another story. Here, I have only partly succeeded in turning theory into practice. The dynamics are different, reason slips away more quickly.

Which is why I’m glad to be Chief Investment Officer and not Chief Parenting Officer. And in that role, my most important task is to guide our clients through challenging times. Right now, markets are calm. But just like with children … it never stays quiet for long.